Monday, November 29, 2010

Counter-Memes

by Jeffrey Hull

If the misbehavior described below does not apply to you, then be not offended.

But if it does, then you are offensive and thusly you do deserve to be offended. And off-ended. To wit:

Do you maintain a perma-neophyte mindset, an ingratiating groupthink, a glad-handing pantomime, with each and every breath of your illiterate & unathletic being, in regards to the Chivalric Arts? Do you seek consensus rather than truth, as found at many InterWeb forums/fiefdoms of the so-called WMA Community? Do you seek reassurance from others in cyberspace rather than proving things to yourself in reality? Are you ready to volunteer your unfounded ideas at the slightest opportunity, and are you allowed to do so repeatedly by various forumitic moderators? Do you agree that what they think is best to think? Do you stand as silent witness when those who disagree get character-assassinated by fencing celebrities & their cronies and/or threatened with knifing by primitive screwheads hiding behind presidential pseudonyms? Does their advice mean more to you than the advice of past fight-masters? Do you smugly spew forth notions & delusions; some common and others rare; some explicit and others implied; yet each and every one a falsity regarding martial arts and weaponry & wielding, both European & Asian? Do you say those aloud in a happy little voice, between smurf-like oohs & aahs, while watching the latest redundant & questionable disarmament video by the Spider and his Apprentice? Do you maintain curious, dubious & specious memes?

Well then, it is high time for a fiery blast of counter-memes. Four-score should get us going. Call them outrageous. Rant and rave about them at your favourite forum/fiefdom. Deny their very existence. Read them, mull them, own them:

Medieval European knights called their fighting arts “Chivalric Arts”, and not “Renaissance Martial Arts” et.al. – despite whatever your director, your professor and/or the United Nations may say otherwise.

The biggest [A]ssociation for these fighting arts is not, by definition, foremost, peerless & best.

Your director is not the one and only (nor any) modern equivalent of a Fechtmeister – especially when he is Deutsch-illiterate and Ringen-weak.

Your director has not learnt everything that a martialist needs to know about Ringen by supposedly reverse-engineering its totality from Ringen-am-Schwert.

Challenges to duel ought to be taken seriously, even today. Any so-called expert or master who mocks & taunts others into challenge; proclaims anytime-anywhere, and yet then fails to fulfill that; is craven & cowardly, and deserves to have his block knocked off.

Waage was there all along in the lore for Ringen and Fechten – thus absolutely no modern fencing celebrity “discovered” or “rediscovered” it for the sake of everybody else.

Waage is fully & best learnt via Ringen instead of via Fechten.

Waage and Shiko-Dachi do share functional and kinetic similarity.

The Krumphau is an Oberhau, and not an Unterhau, you *blanking-blank*.

No, a modern cop is simply not equivalent to a past knight.

There was indeed ground-fighting of considerable worth in Kampfringen.

Stretching before working out and training is healthy, needful & helpful.

Fighting men of the past likely wore safety-gear for their fencing practice.

It is rational to suggest that some kind of martial meditation was done by European knights.

By now (2010) we actually have come to understand a great deal about past Fechten.

If someone conducts “corporate seminars” (i.e. corporate parties) on these precious fighting arts; then he is no more than a performing clown; and worse yet, he belittles these arts by presenting them to the undeserving & ignoble.

Some in this field simply do not know what they are talking about; moreover they cheat and morale-destroy many enthused about it; and consequently, such hucksters do not deserve a career therein.

Gaining some appreciation for Medieval European Christianity helps the modern martialist gain better understanding of the Chivalric Arts, whether or not he/she pursues that religion himself/herself.

The Type X swords of the Viking Age are not best-swung via a self-injurious hammer-grip, but rather via an ergonomic axe-grip.

The Type XIIIa longsword was not a cavalry weapon needed by the knight to reach down from his high horse to smite the nasty little pawns on the ground – it was an infantry & dueling weapon for the knight. Plus it is indeed possible to do half-swording therewith. Plus you can do basic Liechtenauer fencing therewith.

The Type XVII longsword was not a boring unwieldy slab of junk, especially when properly wielded by half-swording for Harnischfechten.

The pollaxe was not some clowns-mallet for mass spectacles at tournaments – it was a lethal weapon meant for serious armoured combat.

It is better to own two or three weapons which you can wield very well; rather than a fleet of dozens thereof which you cannot wield at all. In other words: More training in the yard or hall and less bragging at the forums.

Celtic layered-steel, Germanic pattern-welded steel & homogenous steel, and Japanese folded-steel simply were not derived from that hyperbolic stuff called Damascus-steel.

Yes, you can run, cartwheel, roll, fall & stand again while wearing a full field-harness of European plate-armour.

To smite the foe during Roszfechten, you must strike with your sword rather than just present it – your horse’s momentum & force do not do that for you.

Wooden wasters are not the historical & ergonomic way to practice your swordsmanship – you would do far better to practice with steely blunt/foil swords.

Zweihaender swords were not made exclusively for chopping through pikes rather than people.

The first rapiers were morphologically the same as the so-called cut & thrust swords.

Always targeting the adversary’s hands in fencing is both contemptible and faulty.

It is indeed possible to do the Mittelhau quite forcefully.

Great Britain does in fact have a combination of anti-weaponry laws and political correctness which adversely affects the interests of historical fencers.

The Right to Bear Arms is one of the revived Anglo-Saxon rights that the fencing citizen of America does in fact have to his/her advantage, whereas the fencing subject of England does not.

Concording is not more important than translating and/or interpretating.

Knights of the past did have what they called Sport – in other words Schimpf, Jeu, Play, etcetera. It seems reasonable to equate sparring/bouting and modern tourney fencing therewith. But do not categorically deny that they had such, and that such was part of their training for combat.

Cro-Magnon Man likely had martial arts, since he evidently had weaponry that he spent large amounts of time & energy crafting well. Therewith he could have met the needs of both hunting and warring. In any event, he naturally had his own body wherewith he could/must have done wrestling (i.e. the first martial art).

Both men and women should get to pursue Chivalric Arts.

There is no such thing as an unbiased and impartial forum amid the InterWeb.

No good deed goes unpunished.

Nuclear weapons do not grow flowers.

Okay, that last one was purely satirical. In any event, egregious memes which are inverse to each of those counter-memes have appeared in cyberspace and/or in publication, either publicly or privately, whether or not still existent or cached or whatever. An essay such as this would not be required if the various forums/fiefdoms had had the collective moxie to do other than equivocate and tolerate said memes in the first place. But alas, those entities have been lacking in that regard, as well as many others.

So, if you found the foregoing essay edifying; then please share news thereof with the ever-amiable minions of some of the aforesaid InterWeb forums/fiefdoms of the so-called WMA Community, such as: SFI House of Pancakes and MiAmore and Schola Gluttonis and ARMADA. Tell of such at any their forums, and likely they shall delete your post, banish your person, and block your entire LAN/ISP, all henceforth and forever. Amen.

Thanks & credit go to:
BH for the “fiefdoms” idea.
CB for the “smurf” idea.
DL for the “nuclear weapons” idea.

©Copyright 2010 of Jeffrey Hull.